Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Blogging Is Like Dreaming About Showing Up To School Naked

Ever since I had heard of the concept of blogging, I had been convinced that I had nothing to say.


I have PLENTY of opinions that those close to me are well aware of, and there have been so many times that I have felt like an impostor because I'm too damn polite and courteous.  It's not that I am filled with abhorrent, inhumanly evil judgements about people, but sometimes there are things I'd like to say that I know I cannot, whether it be for the purpose of maintaining my professionalism, catering to bridges I'm trying not to burn (though I may very badly want to), or because the truth is just hard.  This is why blogging has been kind of a landmark moment for me.  I have finally decided to splay my opinions across the wide open interwebs for all to see.  Even as I clicked to publish my very first post, I shuddered as the comments started to filter in, realizing that everyone I know can actually read what I write.  Of course I won't post on every topic, but those I do, I feel a commitment to write honestly about, and I hope it will be something that people are able to respect.

 This topic, though, seems to be a pretty common theme among the blogging community. The idea of public thoughts versus private thoughts, and what you're safe, comfortable, allowed and not allowed, to share.  Cassie Boorn really says it best in this post.  There are so many things I wish I had the courage to say to people.  But I can't, so I hide, too, when I need to.  And some of it might hurt, and some might be really important, but I can't say it.

Sometimes it's not my place.

 Most times, probably.

It's a really tricky thing: staying true to yourself and knowing when and how to speak up.

Authenticity is also a big problem.  Everyone is trying to be so different, and so special, and even if you're not trying, you're wishing.  When you start a blog, or at least when I started a blog, I wondered what I could write about that was new and interesting.  I wanted to write things that people wanted to read.  I told a friend I was starting a blog and he said, "Oh, the old graduate-from-college-and-get-out-into-the-world-blog."  And I hated that he said that... and I told him to shut up... because he was right. The idea just sounded so trite and asinine that it almost made me want to just not.... do that. I so badly wanted to do something that I loved to do and be able to do it well, and I hated being just more of the same...  which is poignantly characteristic of my over-populated, over-educated twenty something generation.

So I wrote anyways, unoriginality notwithstanding.

It is a very humanizing thing, however, when people have the guts to say what they need to say.  So I'm going to continue to write what I can...

Maybe someday, something will need saying, and I will be the right person to say it.

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